We are beginning our 2nd week here, our 1st full week in Bongolo. Jason spoke of struggles we were having, he really meant I am having. Last night there was a Bible study and I could not go because there was no one to watch our kids. I was angry. I came prepared for days alone and not feeling part of the mission, but not being excluded from every aspect of life here. I thought I came here to learn from the missionaries here and I am excluded from everything , I came here to serve and there is nothing they want me to do.
Today I have asked God why I am here
He answered, you came here to learn from Me, and to serve Me.
Yeah, but how it looks to be a missionary wife, what my role might be in our mission someday, and serve the people here, not just my family.
Your mission, huh? I thought it was MY mission.
So, here I am humbled again by God. I probably won't do anything amazing, nothing "blog worthy" :). I will cook, I will clean, I will play with my kids. I may not even attend a single Bible study here or impact a single local, but I will serve. I will serve my husband and my children and I will try to do it with Joy. That is what God is teaching me and it is a hard lesson. I asked yesterday, why am I even here, should I have just stayed home? God said no, I have something to teach you too, it's just not up to you what lesson I choose.
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Hang in there Jamie. It's hard to see sometimes that what we want is not necessarily God's plan and He will lead in the direction that He wants us to go. This has been a struggle for Shari because her plans are not what God has in mind always.Ilook forward to your blogs every day even if it's cooking, cleaning and playing with the children, at least we know your OK. Keeping all of you in our prayers.Love,Linda
ReplyDeletejamie,
ReplyDeletei remember how isolated I felt in Peru when I was the only gringo living there for a couple of weeks before being joined by fellow english-speakers. not the same situation, i know...but it is tough.
also, tell jason to keep the juicy surgery stuff coming! I can't get enough of the vicarious living!
Thanks for sharing so honestly about your struggles, Jamie. I continue to pray for you and your family!
ReplyDeleteLisa from CB
Thanks for honestly sharing your heart, Jamie! One of the things I love about you!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for sharing, Jamie. You teach ME something every time I check your blog. :) Thank you!
ReplyDelete